Misconceptions
So I recently lost a friend. No, they didn’t die; we just had a big falling out. I was just tired of being their punching bag. A person can only take so much. A person can only be attacked on a personal level so much until they lash back. No, I didn’t do that. I told them I’ve had enough and I never want to talk to them again.
I’ve been thinking about what he said and I like to reflect on. It’s not much but…
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“or would you rather have me doo all of it for you?”
He believes that I don’t do anything myself, that I’m lazy, and ignorant and I can’t do shit. It’s the opposite. I prefer to do must things on my own or perhaps I prefer to figure out things on my own though when I can’t figure it out on my own, I go ask for help. There’s no wrong with that, is there?
In the past, he’s said I don’t like to learn about new things; that I have to be forced to learn. No, just no. I get curious about things all the time so I go and I look it up somewhere or…Talk to my friends about it. I like to learn new things especially ways in which I can improve my art.
As I said before, he has called me ignorant. Why? Only because I disagreed (and questions them a bit) with his views on drinking alcohol. Immature, huh?
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“maybe you should take a look at yourself before you blame others for your own personal shortcomings”
NO. Not even close. I don’t have anyone to blame for my problems but me. I never have. I may complain but never once have I placed any blame on my friends and family. I’ve had these issues for a long time now
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“you need someone to kick around”
That crossed the line for me right there. Who does he think I am? I don’t feel in pleasure in making other people feel like garbage. Sure, I have my moments when I can be utterly mean but who doesn’t? I know someone like that. We’re no longer friends either but..In his eyes she’s some wonderful, pure and kind person while I’m just a cold hearted, miserable bitch who uses others for her own personal gain.And then bitches to her friends when it blows up in her face….
Wait. Wait. I’m getting off-topic here.
The point is he couldn’t be more wrong about me. Oh well, we’re no longer friends. It just seems like to me, he’s pointing out his own faults and saying they’re mine but perhaps I’m wrong. No use in worrying about it anymore.
Class
Class. What is class?
‘I’m moving in with my boyfriend at his parents’ house.’
That isn’t class.
I mean said person has only been with this guy for six months. Now I have no problem with couples moving in together; they do it all the time. Its kinda like a test before marriage in some ways. You know, see if you can handle the stress of living together, paying bills, working, being with person twenty-four seven and etc…But not when you’re moving in with your boyfriend and his parents.
There’s no class in that. Besides it can be a bad thing, bad luck to the relationship. Though its not like it’s a tattoo; that’s practically dooming the relationship. Well…Most of the time anyways. Gotta love those old superstitions.
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You know what’s funny? When people say they hate drama and then just as they finish saying that they turn around and cause some. I think most people who say they hate drama, secretly love it, live on it even.
I hate it and yes, I know what I just said but I really do. I try to avoid it at all costs and I even lost a few friends because all they’d like to do is cause drama. Its tiring and a waste of energy
Trolling
I used to ‘troll’ people on the internet from time to time but I’ve stopped now. The one major time I did troll, it was on a Ragnarok Online server…That was ran by people who didn’t exactly think to highly of me for whatever reason what I did was I tricked them into thinking I was someone else. It was easy…Way too easy. I stopped once the said server was shut down for a numerous reasons which I can only speculate on so I won’t speak of that.
So I was talking to a friend and I bought of the fact that on the server I played on before one I trolled, I had a male character and this girl (who isn’t all that bright/is a horrible liar in my opinion) asked if anyone knew how to colour in pictures using PS or any other program like that. I was on my male character at the time and I was like “Oh I do! Maybe I can help.” And then she asked for my email.
At that time, everyone knew I played that character; apparently she didn’t. Me being me, I told her who I was and then she proceeded to ignore me. When I brought this up to my friend, he said that I should have lied and trolled her. Sure I could have, sure I could have played with her feelings and sure I could have trolled her hard. I didn’t do that but I admit the idea did cross my mind at the time. (We weren’t exactly friends for numerous reasons that I don’t wish to bring up) You see, I do troll but there is one thing I’d never do…And that is playing with someone else’s emotions. I refuse to do that. It’s not right to play with someone’s feelings.
I’m not some terrible bitch monster that some people seem to think I am.
Ramblings & Cameos
Opps…Well I guess its been a while hasn’t it?
So I’m sitting here; working on a sketch for a page for Crimson Moon and I realized just how many cameos there will be. Well…Not really, I just don’t know how to start the subject. The comic itself is based on events on an old Ragnarok Online server I used to play on. The comic of course, will have said characters whether they’re mine or not.
I don’t think much people will have much of a problem with having their character in the comic…Most of them will be cool with it and I’ve also had people ask if their characters could be in it. I said no; the reason being that I wish to keep the comic as close as to what actually happened as possible however there are characters that have been added for comedic relief and etc (like Silvia)
Sometimes I wish I had some of the other player’s contact info (aka their emails) so I can tell them that their characters are in the comic and for them to check it out. I know that most of them will be alright with it. But…I know of at least one person that isn’t.
You see, I got a friend to tell this person that her character will make a small cameo in the comic. I didn’t want to do it myself because I just don’t want to talk to her unless I really have to. I should have known that she would have made a whole production out of the whole thing…But at the time, I’d figure I’ve give her the benefit of the doubt; that perhaps one time in her life she wouldn’t cause drama. Well I was wrong. Horribly.
She wanted her character out, I said no. I may have said yes if she went about the whole thing differently. She tried to convince us anyway she could. The conversation eventually ended; both parties needed to cool off and think it out. A few days later, it was settled in a few emails. The solution? Replace the characters. That simple. End of story.
She tried to get my sympathy, saying that she wished that we could repair our friendship, to ‘talk it all out’…Funny how she only seems to talk to me when she wants something from me whether its information, cause drama or just plain annoy me.Sure, I’d like to be friends with her again but…I don’t need the drama and I don’t really like how she treats people; uses them and then tosses them aside when she has no use for them. I don’t need those kind of people in my life.
The Fool & Unknown Desires
The Fool & Unknown Desires
I drew these a few months ago, I was thinking about a lot of things and treated my sketch book like a therapist and so…These pictures came out. When I cannot express my thoughts to someone else (or I wish to keep it to myself out of fear of hurting the person) I resort to drawing in my sketch book or…Writing it down. I don’t do these so that in the future I can go back and remember. No, I do these to let go of the feelings I have. When I was younger, I would write ‘angry’ letters to my dad but I would never send them. I stashed them away in a small box never to read by anyone. It helped a lot.
Don’t both looking for the pictures…Because more then likely I won’t be posting them anywhere.
Page 54
Page 54
I don’t have much to say about this page. It’s building up to the moment or is at the moment? I finished this a day late because well…I don’t know I wasn’t feeling at that great and distractions kept pulling me away from the computer. Ah well, it’s done now but I have to hurry (just a little) and finish the sketch for the next page.
Short blog is short.
Page 53
Page 53
Out of this whole page, my favourite (excuse me, I’m Canadian) panel has to be the second panel. I don’t know why but it is. I had to redo Noir’s hair because the first time around, it looked like a big, ugly, splotchy mess and that was before I added the shine (or highlights) to her hair. The second time around, it looked much better and I’m happy with it. Although…I also like the first panel too. At first, I didn’t but when I added the night sky and played around the shadows, I quite liked it. I was like “Wow, this looks pretty good.”
Noir has come a long way since I first drew her three years ago. (Wow, it’s been three years already?) or rather my art has come a long way since then. I believe I’ve improved because I draw a lot and also due help from my friends. (Although at times, I just didn’t want to hear it but I listened anyways). I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.
(Here are the pictures)
First Picture of Noir
Second Picture of Noir
Noir Currently
Experiment
Some friends or rather one in particular, wasn’t much of a help though now… we aren’t really friends. Anyways, I remember in grade nine, she’d always make snide little remarks for example “Oh, I like this looks even though you can still see where you erased. How can I get that effect?” Even back then, it ticked me off a little.
She was an artist too but all I would ever see is unfinished pictures or multiple versions (though they were all the same) of one thing. There was no eraser marks, the pictures always seemed to be drawn based on a screenshot from an anime, looked exactly like said screen shot and it looked too perfect. Did she trace? Probably. Can I prove it? Not really nor do I care enough to try to.
She did draw a picture of one of my characters for me as a gift but it comes to no surprise that this picture isn’t done and obviously I never got it. She did however show me what she did do. And well…It looked like crap. She hardly improved at all. This particular character of mine has soft, flowing, wavy hair but this sketch it was opposite, the hair looked sharp, harsh…Well it just didn’t look like hair. I asked myself if she could ever draw anything pretty and soft?I doubt it.
It made me realize that we’re two different people with two very different personalities and styles. (Not for the first time, I assure you.) Sure, we were friends once but people change…I just couldn’t stand how she treated people like they were objects to be thrown away when they weren’t needed anymore.
Whoa, now we’re getting off topic here. I’ll stop.
Page 52
Page 52
How do I start this? What do I talk about? What should I talk about? What shouldn’t I talk about?
I ask these questions over and over again; I worry about what I say might hurt others. Yup, that’s me, considerate of others…Sometimes. It depends on my mood but for the most part I’m a nice person despite what other people might say about me.
As for page fifty-two, I’m pretty happy about it though in the first panel, I have to say that I messed up one side of the boat. The one side looks two dimensional instead of what it’s suppose to be; three dimensional. I suppose it’s not a big mistake and hopefully I’ll be the only one to notice this. (Unless they read this of course.)
I pictured this scene taking place at night; the moon is out so I feel it makes this scene somewhat more romantic like it’s suppose to be. The part in this scene I’m referring to hasn’t happened yet but I wish to built up to the moment. I tried a new technique with lighting at night which is basically selecting the whole panel and use the paint bucket tool with a somewhat dark blue colour. Then I lower the opacity of the layer so that the other colours show through. After I’m happy with that, I take the eraser tool and erase a few things so that it looks like the moon (or whatever light source there is at the time) is shinning on them and then there is the final step…I take the smudge tool and smudge where I have erased so it looks a little harsher.
Overall I’m quite happy with how this turned out, I suppose there should be more demons coming out from the lower deck but Crimson Moon was a small guild at first and it takes time for a guild to grow. Although just because they’re small in number doesn’t make them weak.
I have some strange habits while I am working a comic page during the week. I tend to work more on it in the afternoon and well I like to watch (or more like listen) to the television but there isn’t much on at one in the afternoon. So instead, I ‘watch’ LPs (let’s plays…it’s basically a video game while they play it, the commentary is great) and it helps me work a little bit better. Sure, I could just listen to music and that would supply the sound but sometimes, I just don’t want to listen to music. Shocking isn’t it? Don’t take me wrong, I can work in silence but it helps if there is some noise…Unless it’s my little sisters screaming their heads off. I just sometimes find silence a bit un-nerving.
Limits
Lately I’ve been getting frustrated with my artistic skill level. What I mean is when I get an idea in my head and I go to draw it onto paper, it doesn’t come out the way it was in my head. I try and try but to no avail. I have a long way to go before I can fully confident and completely happy with my art. Though I suppose most artists are never truly happy with their work. If I look at one of my finished pieces, I begin to see the flaws and my self doubt begins to nag at me but I do my best to keep those doubts at bay. Its only the bad days that I let it get to me but I try not let it show…And I fail at hiding it.
Page 51
Page 51
“So, how does this picture make you feel?”
…
I thought this was a stupid question back in grade twelve art class and I still think it’s a stupid question now. But alas here I am doing reflections on my artwork just like in grade twelve; except this time I don’t have to get into the nitty gritty detail on the methods and materials used to finish the picture. This time, the reflections are based solely on the thoughts that when through my head as I completed this page.
So how does this page make me feel?
Well…I don’t really feel much for this page, I don’t hate it but it’s not my favourite either. From the beginning I had a bit of trouble figuring what to with the page so I asked for help. Not that I dislike asking for help. I’m just impatient, I don’t like to wait; I want to get things done and I don’t wish to sit around waiting. Luckily this time, I didn’t have to wait too long for help.
Doing the line art was the same as usual…Draw, erase, draw and erase…And repeat until done. I should try some new ways to do line art. Perhaps I should do it the way I used to? Though that would mean I would have look for my sharpies since I have no idea where I put them when I was packing.
As for the final stage, the coloring…Well I have to admit that I could have finished this yesterday but I got bored…I can only work for so long until I need to get up and move around. There was also the fact that I decided to go and watch the movie Zombie Land, a very entertaining movie to say the least although it made me want to go play Dragon Age, the zombies reminded me of the darkspawn, something about them both spitting blood out of their mouths. I don’t know.
Ah, Dragon Age…That game inspires me to work more on the comic. It’s the weapons, the armor, the characters and the story that makes me want to make the comic as great as that…But I’m getting ahead of myself as per usual.
Oppsy~ I’m getting off topic here, as I was working the page, numerous thoughts went through my head…None of which I can remember at the moment. Next time however, I plan to write them down as they come to my head and post them here whether they’re good or bad. I don’t believe this page is all that impressive…But that may be just me.
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I’ll try to write a new blog entry whenever I complete a new page for Crimson Moon or complete a stand alone picture. I’ll try to be regular but I’m not guaranteeing anything.
